Spiritual attraction vs. sexual attraction

What is stronger sexual/physical attraction or spiritual attraction? If you watch commercials on TV, go to the movies, read magazines or have any contact with the current culture, one would say that sexual attraction is king. One would easily come to believe that sexual/physical attraction must be the main attraction point between people. Even those who agree that physical attraction is not the core of a relationship will often say that physical attraction must first be present to attract people together and then the spiritual attraction and bonding happens.

As I look at the major romantic relationships that I have had in my life, while I was physically/sexually attractive to each person, I would have to say, that the people whom I were attracted were more attractive because of who they were and not because of how they looked.

At the beginning of the most significant romantic relationship of my life, I can recall looking at this person and asking myself, “could I be physically attracted to this person?” It was fairly early into a relationship that started out as a friend to friend relationship which over time began to blossom into much more than friends. Even though we had not spoken about our emerging romantic feelings about each other, we both could feel that our attraction to each other and our feelings for each other were becoming more intense. It was at this point that I looked at this person with different eyes and I asked myself, do I find this person physically attractive, is this someone that I could see myself in a full blown romantic relationship with. I knew without a doubt that we were attracted to each other, however that attraction from my point of view was due to a spiritual connection and attraction rather than a physical attraction. As our attraction to each other on a spiritual, mental and emotional level increased with an immense intensity, our physical attraction also started to grow. It wasn’t too long before I could see nothing but how beautiful this person was both inside and out. As a matter of fact, our relationship became so intense that no other person’s beauty matched up to the beauty of this person in my life. There simply was no comparison! Why? Was it because this person’s physical beauty surpassed everyone else’s beauty? Of course not! It was because I was so spiritually attracted to this person, attracted to their very soul that my eyes saw only beauty when I gazed upon this person!

Still not a believer that spiritual attraction is greater than physical attraction, and then consider this. Remember someone whom your were romantically involved with, someone who at some point in your life, you were madly in love with and thought they to be the most beautiful person you ever knew and then down the road the relationship didn’t work out, it fell apart, he/she hurt you very deeply. Now remember what happened to your physical attraction to this person, did it change, did you see them through different eyes? Did they lose their luster of beauty? Most often this is what happens, once we lose the spiritual attraction, the external beauty of that person quickly wanes, sometimes to the point where you can’t even figure out what you found so attractive in him/her.

In this case the person’s physical beauty did not change, what changed was your viewpoint of their spiritual self, as that attraction faded, so did your physical attraction.

If you are in a long term romantic relationship now, consider your attraction to the person in your life. Consider how physically the person has changed, yet you find them as attractive now if not more than you did at the beginning of the relationship. Now ask yourself how is that possible? Why do you feel so attracted to this person, what keeps your attraction growing? Truth is, it is not the physical form that you find so attractive as it is the spirit of that person. Because you love the other person for who they are, your physical attraction remains intact and grows.

Physical beauty grows with spiritual attraction and it quickly fades when that spiritual attraction diminishes for whatever reason.

If you are in a relationship, build upon your spiritual attraction and watch your physical attraction intensify. If you are in between relationships, remember that it is your spirit, the energy which you emit that creates true attraction, the attraction of people who you really desire to be with and who truly desire to be with you.

Blessed are those who are in a relationship that feeds the soul rather than gives snacks to the ego.


Anonymous said...

Gabe, I appreciate your post. I have a scenario from my own life on which I'd love your input.

There is a girl (we'll call her Sarah) with whom I have different extracurricular activities (I'm a mid-20s guy, the activities are art classes and things like that). The moment since she entered my life, I've felt inspired at work, more energetic in general, and I find her beauty to be the most interesting sight in the world to me. Yet not a single "sexual" idea enters my mind when I see her; I simply just want to sit in her presence and hear her opinion on anything. She's wise, and I love that about her. Every interaction she and I have feels significant.

But I want my sexual desire, which emerges in far greater abundance around other girls, to be a gift to the girl I actually love. Yet this sexual impulse -- despite the fact that I find Sarah beautiful (and she is beautiful) -- simply doesn't manifest itself in the same way. To put it crudely, when she and I are hanging out, I don't feel "turned-on" (horny). The feeling of being turned-on and sexually virile can be very empowering for a guy; that feeling makes us guys feel bolder, more confident, sexier in general, and often moves us to act without fear. In theory, I'd love to take Sarah somewhere, grab her, and kiss her; yet when I'm with her, a different intuition sets in that tells me "not yet." Without the sexual impulse, a different fear sets in: what if I CAN'T give Sarah that gift, because my body doesn't respond the way that it's supposed to?