Ever After

Throughout our lives we have always been told stories that end in ever after, learned to "see each other", told to laugh when we could cry, just cry.
But I didn't know there was a different kind of lie. An escape into a bigger darkness, a lonely dance on its own on the solo sounds of a griefing piano. Madness filling the gaps between every note, these milliseconds that define the next ones.
But the stories we were told were filled with lies and deciept, or was it the real ones that actually were? For the real comes too close to the imaginary sometimes, the mirage of hopes and dreams reveals its true identity at some specific moments, and your heart sinks in its blend of never ending turmoil, ever after.
So we grow up believing our hopes and dreams can actually become true, and well, for some they do, for others, we keep dreaming. We push and go on and expand. Great, we expand. But I fear expanding so much till I become invisible to the world, something nobody will ever notice.

So I keep pieces, of dreams, hopes, fears, experiences and I hold them close.
I keep fragments of shattered dreams, of unwanted events, of dark and twisted pictures taken by the photosensitive nature of my mind, burnt inside for the years to come, or until the better (or worst) will come to be burnt over it one day.
“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.” ~ Jonathan Safran Foer
 
Jackson Pollock: Yellow Islands 1952
 
I hold on to these pieces and I wonder how they have come to exist, showed themselves on the canvas of my life, spatters of vibrant paint screaming for you to look at them, they're haunting and noisy, they're loud and blunt. But I cannot let them go so easily for I would be losing a part of myself, my identity, the simple pleasures I experiences, these small and twisted breaths of life that will always mean the world to me, but also I would be losing my deceptions, my challenges and my darkest times and I would be empty again, for ever after.

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